Good point, aveteva1

aveteva1 says:

Looks like a mutated Irish Setter LOL!!

Help! This pet is LOST in your area.

"Help! This pet is LOST in your area" is usually not a subject line a dog lover would like to read in an email. When we signed up for the alert service in NY, we thought we were doing a good deed and would be able to help find people's lost companions.... sadly, we've started looking forward to receiving these emails and haven't unsubscribed since we moved. Stacie even waits to open them until we're all together, so we can enjoy them as a family. I'm sure we sound like sick puppies, but hear me out.

When a person subscribes to this service, he or she enters his or her zip code, and the alerts are tailored to the person's locale. I think the radius should be reduced slightly, though, because unless dogs learn to take the ferry, figure out how to hail a cab, or memorize the NY subway system, none of these dogs are making it to Manhattan. The typical lost dog is from Staten Island or New Jersey, 6 months to 2 years, and an unneutered male. Gee... wonder why he took off... maybe you should look down by the river where he's sowing his oats.

Then there are the posters the well-meaning person is supposed to print and tape up all over the neighborhood, presumably only if said person is nearby, but there are almost certainly some overzealous helpers out there who cover every telephone pole in their neighborhood with poster after poster. Anyway, these posters are hilarious for a number of reasons:

1. The text. Owners are apparently worried that they will be judged by the well-meaning email recipients, so they invariably start their text with how the dog escaped. Generally, it goes something like, "Maxie excaped thru the front door when we weren't looking," or "Rocko wasn't in his bed like usual," or "Went for a walk with her german sheppard and the puppy did not come back with the german sheppard" (lousy good for nothing Shepherd) or my personal favorite, "Scooter was last seen chasing a school bus." This is not useful information. Unless Scooter is still chasing the school bus when the well-meaning email recipient spots him, I'm pretty sure the dog's mode of escape is irrelevant.

2. The photo. The photo has long been a source of amusement for the three of us. We're perpetually shocked by the lack of photos people take of their animals, especially since I am in every single photo that's taken around here (seriously. I'm in thousands. it kind of creeps me out.). Here are a couple of examples. The photos are hyperlinked, so click them to see the original posters - they're worth it:

Check out this poor guy's unfortunate name. Pat said it's like naming your kid "Coke Addict."

This little bundle of fur lives in "Station Island," wherever that is. Word of advice: learn to spell the place you live. It's handy.

Don't let the innocent face fool you. He's 18 months old & unneutered... he's running on pure hormones.

I might have dug a "whole" in the ground, too.

This unfortunate cockadoodle's name is 2420, but lucky for him they call him "Baci" instead. WHAT?

and lest you think this is just for dogs:

Which brings us to the inspiration for this posting. This particular poster is potentially my favorite thing that has ever existed (it's even better than rawhide, which is second only because it always makes me vomit). There are a LOT of things wrong with this poster, but let's start from the beginning. Note that the breed of dog is listed as a Border Terrier. The dog in the photo is, in fact, a Boston Terrier.

THIS is what a Border Terrier looks like:

Moving on, a quick web search for "Boston Terrier" yields the following result: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BostonTerrierBrindleStand_w.jpg

Not only did this person not use an actual picture of their dog, but they didn't even Google the right breed! I'm thinking they don't actually want the dog back. They may have even had it whacked, like poor Buddy, who was "hit by a car" pretty much the day after Bill and Hill left the White House* and no longer needed his connecting-with-the-common-man services. They probably replaced him with some super expensive non-common-man-connecting-dog like a Dandy Dinmont. Have you seen these things?

The same one (owned by Dr. Bill Cosby) always wins the dog show because it's pretty much the only one left in the world. Sort of like Sarah Palin winning that Alaskan beauty pageant - I think Triumph the Insult Comic Dog said it best when he quipped "Third place went to a caribou."


*Wow. I have GOT to get over my fascination with White House dogs. What is with that? No more posts that reference Dogs of State until Sasha and Malia get their puppy.

Oops, I bit it again

Apparently, Barney wasn't a first time offender. He bit this nice basketball lady (go Celtics!). Lucky for him she's both a dog person and a PR person.

Celtics PR guru Heather Walker and her yellow Lab, Pripen. Walker was bitten by temperamental White House pooch Barney. From the Boston Herald.

To be fair, Scotties aren't known for their friendly disposition toward strangers. Maybe not the best choice for a White House dog, but then W wasn't necessarily known for making good decisions when it comes to being nice to others.

Now Nixon knew how to pick a dog. Big shout out to King Timahoe!

My new hero, Barney

Barney does NOT like all the talk about the new puppy headed for the White House.

Go get 'em, Barney... don't let anyone call YOU a lame duck first dog!

Still image from a video shows Barney biting reporter Jon Decker. Photo: AFP

Kids

I love kids. Like LOVE them. I get excited when I see them, and then as soon as they decide they want to touch me, I go completely still and flat while they say cute things like "Il est doux!" ("He is soft!") and "Il est gentil!" ("He is nice!) and "Il est beau!" (my personal favorite "He is beautiful!"). I think kids are the best.

And that's really a good thing for the Tobacconist's son. I was waiting for my master to come back out from the Superette (smelling all the lovely lovely tasty yummy fruits and vegetables - why can't I have grapes again?), and this jerk 4-year-old started throwing things at us. Now, I'm not one to growl, so I simple ignored the child. The Superette owner came out and yelled at the Tobacconist, but that didn't seem to do the trick either. Throwing, throwing, throwing. Boxes pelting me in the back. Perhaps that's why they call it a pelt.... hmmm.......

Although Stacie said "no, no, no!" to the child, nothing stopped; although she did get a nice glare from the child's father. As we walked away, the Superette owner came out and yelled at the Tobacconist in Arabic even more seriously. I was fine with it, but my people seemed quite upset. Good thing Stacie doesn't smoke... I'm pretty sure she'd never give that tobacconist her business again, although she may give him a piece of her mind once her French is better.

Commandez votre enfant ! just doesn't seem strong enough for these people.

And since I don't have any pictures for you today, I'll leave you with this image of why I got neutered (other than the fact that the Astros won the pennant, but we won't talk about that). Kelly, I feel your pain, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with the child support and birthday gifts.

Family Visits

So, to continue catching up ~

Topher and Veronica came to visit at the end of October, in honor of Veronica's birthday. On my birthday, I got a trip to the Madison Square Dog Park, which sounds fancy but is actually just a stolen tennis ball away from a rumble at any moment. But who am I to complain? I've been reminded repeatedly that I don't even contribute around here.

Anyway, it was pretty fun! My only problem was that I couldn't figure out where to sleep: with the here-all-the-time-so-this-is-where-I'm-comfortable-people or the I-only-get-to-see-you-once-in-awhile-people. Finally, Veronica solved the problem for me:

I was still up and down all night switching snugglers, but at least I knew I was welcome in either room.

On the first full day they were here, all the people went to the Jeff Koons exhibit at the Chateau. Imagine my surprise to find that Jeff Koons had created a larger than life sculpture of moi, fashioned to look like a balloon animal!

This is my kind of house... I wonder if they'd let the real thing move in...

I had never been able to figure out why all the tourists take my photo in the gardens.* Little did I know that I'm a celebrity in Versailles!

I'm off to have a big drink of water and a nap. Stay tuned!

* editor's note: It's true. The tourists take pictures of Dempsey. Not sure why, but he's definitely in a significant number of vacation photo collages

update

W might not be the smartest guy that's ever been in the White House, but that Barney's quite the philosopher. This one directly relates to the previous entry about thumbs. His site is a nice bit of diversion from the real issues the US is facing, and he's a pretty funny dog.

I'm looking forward to seeing what the Obama puppy has to say.......